you're like a bully in the Christmas story
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
