Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
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