i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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