happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Randomize