I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
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