oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
