Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
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