you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
