I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
