I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
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