Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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