I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
