wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
