So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Randomize
