Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Randomize