Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
