It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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