watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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