I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
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