It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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