The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
