he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Randomize
