so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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