I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
