You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
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