he puts the penis in happiness.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
