last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
