you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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