I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Randomize
