my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
My breasts were aching with rage.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
