We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Randomize
