your thong is hanging out like whoa
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
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