so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Randomize
