U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
