Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
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