I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
sex in a hospital.. check
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
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