There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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