Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
