Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
