What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
