we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize