I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
