so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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