I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
