I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
