A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
