Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
