i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
