I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize