and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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