But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
