why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Randomize
