She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
