she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
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