I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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