Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
