Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
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