And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
