So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Randomize
