I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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