My Higher Power is John Stamos
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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