either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
