Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Randomize
