That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
