I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
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