i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
