She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
