we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
