I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
