I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Randomize
