im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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