this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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