$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
