we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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