3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
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