I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
I checked into jail on foursquare
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
