My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Randomize
