what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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