Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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