His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
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