my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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