yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
The chlamydia really affected his face.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Randomize
