It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
