OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Say something about gay babies.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Randomize