They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
