just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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