I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
