Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize