maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
